Tomorrow will be the last day of mourning for Mr Lee Kuan Yew and end at the Mandai Crematorium. Attending funerals of relatives or friends' loved ones always require a somber mood. No matter how close the relation, attending a funeral requires the attendee to at least be emphatic of the loved ones in mourning, understanding the pain and grief of loss. No matter how visionary, philosophical or tough one can be, when it comes to a loss of a loved one, no one can prevent the pain(loss of a loved one) from being felt.
I felt that as one grew older, I began to be more aware of things which might happen in the years to come. I dread writing this, but every time I see someone dying on tv, i feel sad. I can feel almost emphatically with the character and wonder on my own. Eyes will start to get wet and I would often tell myself that ok, its only a thought. However, with a heavy heart, I pushed that thought away, knowing that there is no point thinking about it. There will be a day and time then.
Tomorrow will be Mr Lee's final day before he moves on from Singapore. The past few days have seen so many sights of which the country has never experienced before. Everyone helping one another at the Padang, volunteers and the police and army.. It united Singapore. For the past ten years, the country has ever been so divided on the national issues at hand. I sincerly hope that this over whelming sight of Singaporeans, foreigners, ex workers who used to work in Singapore, coming together and mourn, will invoke something in the current leaders of Singapore. Such unity did not come by as luck. It was painstakingly built over the years by the old guards of Singapore. Everyone worked hard so that the country can progress. The nation's succes did not come by luck. Our good relations with other countries did not come by luck. If the current leaders take for granted, it could all be lost so easily and could take a long time before any repairable damage could be rectified. If there are , anyway.
After deliberating for a couple of days whether to attend in person , to make a trip down to the Parliament House to pay the last respects to Mr Lee, I finally decided to make the trip. I knew it would be a long wait. 8 hrs, media reported. I had been thinking, can i withstand the long hours? I had not called anyone to go with me nor anyone called me to go with them. I was tired after a day's work. I had no time off to go earlier. I had also tendered my resignation yesterday and it would seemed a farce to pull an'urgent' leave sort of thing.
At 5pm, i decided this was it. I will just grit my teeth and go down immediately after work. No dinner , never mind. I thought i could grab some biscuits which i knew there will be volunteers giving out. I felt all i need was a bottle of water and good to go. I have never stood or queued for anything more than 1 hour. Often in food courts, i avoided the stall with the long queue. To me, food is just a necessary ingredient to satisfy my body' needs. I just need to feel full so i have the energy.
When I reached the Padang, swarms of people were at the tents. Sometimes, even after watching TV, news for many days, it really shot you in the mind when you see it live. It finally drove in the fact that Mr Lee has indeed gone. A household name for so many years since the day I can remember and the day I can understand what are words. He has passed on. After the end of tomorrow's events, the Nation will do well to remember everything he has done and everything the people have done , such as tributes or gestures , should not be forgotten as well. This is not another Hello Kitty afterall.
When I look at Mr Lee, I felt like he was my grandpa whom I lost when i was only 8 years old. Thus, when there were many times i felt like giving up during the queue or cutting queue, i reminded myself that not only should i accord the highest respect to Mr Lee as a founding father of modern Singapore, I should also treat him like how I would towards my beloved grandpa. I was hungry and although there were times I wanted to reach out for the banana or apple, my hand withdrew when I knew there were many others behind me who want that source of energy as well. I couldn't wait to eat dinner because I only want to get down asap. Did Mr Lee have to eat dinner or make himself full before he discuss state affairs? No, that im very sure of. While others tried to make themselves as comfortable during the queue, i felt there was not a single need to. Not that I am self suffering, nor to prove a point, but I felt all i wanted to do was to pay my respects. All I had to do was to wait in queue. The rest are not in my opinion, necessary. There were times my back felt like breaking and by the third hour i was already drained. I don't even feel the energy to read to spend the time. I had no strength left.
At the end of the queue, finally after 7 hours standing. and walking several distances, I finally managed to pay my last respects to Mr Lee. Eternally grateful to whatever he has done, i wrote on my tribute card. I was not old enough back then to experience him more but i am grateful for the chance to say thanks to him for his effort and sacrifices for the nation. I thought I was glad to have persevere and that convinced myself that I do have thr traits after all as a hard working Singaporean who can be called upon when needed. That experience will serve me well, that memory will stay with me forever, not that of queuing at the Padang, but the whole experience of mourning for a beloved countryman.