People always say that words are forgotten but moments remembered. When moments are forgotten, it takes words to remember moments. Contradictory?
I had always waited for moments when I had inspiration or important live events before I would take to the keyboard. However, since young, I have had a penchant to write what I feel. It was then indeed unfortunate that in primary school, my very own colour group pry opened my diary and divulged all the secrets inside. Not only did it cost me enormous embarrassment, but it also cost the friendship of a girl whom I liked back then. She avoided me like the plague and we never really spoke to each other since then.
I have had always an interest to read autobiographies and life blogs of people. It interests me to try and find out what do people feel and what were their thinking and feelings at the point when they publish a post or picture. What are they trying to imply and what was going on in their lives on the days of posting? Were they in a bad mood and if so, why are they still writing in their blog? Do they , like me in the past, turn to writing because there is no one else who understands them? It looks funny, but when you write, you are consoling yourself, teaching yourself what you feel and what you need.
When I was eating the curry fish head that my mum had left for me after a tiring day of soccer, I had many feelings which ran over me as I start to plan the what I want to write in my head. Not really the fish, but maybe after a good workout had enabled my sweat glands to flush out all the toxins, enabling a clear passage for my mind to think.
When I read blogs by Christine (aka Ms Xtin Lim, Mrs Ussenal's bestie and her friend Kopi Soh, I learn different things from both of them. Besides marvelling at the beautiful layout of Christine's blog, entries were filled with many thoughts of the past , encompassing happiness, sadness, anxiety and hope for the road ahead. Does anyone still think that writing is a piece of cake and lousy skill you can pick up if you do not learn the basics when young?
Today is also the Total Defence Day, a day where I have had often felt strongly and patriotic as 6.25pm was the time the Brits surrendered to Japanese forces in 1945, marking the start of an extremely difficult occupation period of 3 and 1/2 years of barbaric torture.
In today's world, more and more questions are being asked by our younger generation. Some begin to ask if Singapore is still worth defending now since there are so many foreigners and nobody knows any longer who we are defending for now. I used to think that no, no matter who is there we must fight to the end as if we sit and hide, sooner or later our families will be harmed and die too. If I can help to take down 1 enemy, isn't it worth already?
However, as time passes by, views and principles change. I asked myself the same questions again and find my answer had changed. If there is war today confronting Singapore, I will fight the war still. It is not who I am defending, but it is a responsibility that has been passed down by the pioneers who had shed their lives, gave up their families and loved ones so that the next generation can be free of the enemies. So we are not protecting our loved ones only, we are protecting a legacy which the early pioneers of Singapore had toiled so hard for. Even if the PRs are not going to protect Singapore in a war, so be it. Question is: Do we Singaporeans do our part then, when war comes?
It is a hard question ,albeit like the hardest debate of Euthanasia. Do the patient, who has suffered day and night, has a right to end his own life? Do the loved ones keep their sick alive just to satisfy their own fear of losing them, at the cost of the suffering? Is it right or is it wrong? Or should the sick ones continue to live on despite immense pain? This is something that will never be answered correctly till the day I ask Jesus.
As my fish was finishing, I began to have a clearer thought. I was in two minds over my earlier question. However I realised that my whole SAF training life was not only built around myself but also my platoon mates and of course, my bunk mates Lao A , Jiawei and Sunny. We have been trained for 12 years for war, aint we? If my buddies are going to war, there is no way I can sit on the sofa and await unfortunate news. It is a correct decision that I think even if I am recalled one day in my 60s, I will still standby this decision. It can't change and it will never change.
A bit too heavy stuff for a Monday? Perhaps. Monday Blues. Anyway, its Tuesday already folks.
Mr Ussenal.