It has been a good near 6 months since anything was written here. Of course, it is preferred that I could contribute more here but a very hectic work schedule combined with a more intensive module in my law studies had taken a toll. But I'm thankful to the Lord always, for everything that has been given to me, giving to me and will give to me. Thousand of years ago, the Lord made a brave and obeying decision of the Father, and sacrificed himself on the Cross so that all of us may be saved.
Time seem to go really fast with each passing year. Sure I have told myself this several years ago but I feed sad when there is nothing that can be done to reverse anything. Being young again, taking better steps, wishing to correct some wrongs done in our youth. Watching my loved ones aging by the year seem an extremely difficult thing to do. Understanding and accepting that life is just but a counter slowly but mercilessly counting down several expiry milestones is the hardest thing to accept. The next bill, the next difficult problem at work, the next wonderful drama, the next bonus.. the list goes on.
Life is indeed short on this Earth. While talking to Rebecca or rather Xuan, our god daughter, I was a bit sad that she had totally no idea what happened when she was aged 1 to 4 years old. It was the period of time when she was with us and the golden period where I had developed so much liking for her. Sadly, she remembered none of it. Likewise, I do not really recall anything before 5 years old. I would say probably after 10, I knew what was really happening around me. Quickly, another 10 years would pass before I entered army. Add another 10 and we are at 30 years of age. 20 more years to 50 and Im already about halfway there. Add another 10 to 50 and time to think about resting? Last 10 and surely I would not be fit to work anymore and likely that I would be visiting the hospital or likely to land in some old folks home. Isnt' it scary how short life could be? Less the 20 late years, the window period to do all, enjoy all, experience all is only but a 30 year period. Coupled with all the craziness going on in the world today, sometimes I wonder if it is a blessing for the short time or a bad thing.
Recently, there has been a big furore over the CHC case. A lot has been said countless of times and with the verdict out from the Court of Appeal, more thousands of comments were created. I would admit that the case had ran a few questions in my mind which makes me wonder sometimes why would the bus always come from the right and not the left? Im sure different sets of questions would flow through the mind of the believers ,non believers and people who are convinced to watch a circus to develop out of the case. However, I would like to say that at the end of the day, what KH or other Christians did should affect one's faith anyway. How good the relationship between one and God has always been personal and not depend on what an affluent Christian leader has done or not done. The case had not affected my faith in God, but it had rocked the faith and high esteem I used to hold for the justice given out from our judiciary. Is it another place where I have become so accustomed to accept as another 'cannot make it' organ of things here?
The world has become difficult to watch as Arsenal these days. Sometimes, I just stop reading the news altogether as there is hardly any thing favourable to read. Its either about increases in expenses, murder, rape, crime, Russia, N. Korea, train faults or some equally local depressing news that makes reading them a waste of my ever hungry for battery cellphone. The world is a depressing place these days and I wonder seriously where would I be typing this blog another 20 years from now.
Recently, the father of one of my cousin whom I had grown up with had passed away. The father whom I had spoken to little over the course of 30 over years, but remains a familiar figure in Chua family gatherings. It was always difficult to attend an own family member's funeral as evidenced by my late grandpa and grandma's funerals. It was made more difficult as my cousin had grown up with me and we shared many fun times as young kids back in my grandpa's house and I empathize the pain felt. I seldom meet up with the Chua uncles and aunties, and I felt sad that everyone has aged. I do not know well the rest of the younger cousins and have no wish to do so either but to me, the auntie and uncles are people whom I respect (despite the eccentricity of some) because of my love for my parents and the upbringing I have been taught. Although I might probably be the most underachieving one in the entire Chua family tree, I feel sad everytime the family goes through 1 bad thing after another. I will always remember the last day I saw the house at Duke's Road- the place where I had so much fun with my cousins and uncles and aunties every Sunday. It was demolished to a rubble and scenes in my mind found it hard to continue playing the old times. Of course, I also remembered the black dog Tang Zu and I have a picture of a very young me playing with it when it was just a puppy.
Right now, although I do not have a dog, I hope that someday I will be able to have keep 1 Golden Retriever as I wind down the years in future. Fishes have been a great form of relaxation after a torrid time at work most of the time. While I have found it hard to win any trophy these days, I am contented to keep the team of fishes I have.They may not be the best fishes in the world, but as long as I m happy with them and had chosen them myself, I guess they are already winners of their own.
There are many things to write about, but there is a limit to how much my mind wants to release it. I guess right now it's time to pen off and hopefully, I do not take a long time again to write here again.
Mr Ussenal