Merry Christmas 2020

Unprecedented. This word has been the most overused word this year I would say. As many would know, it is unprecedented that it has to become law to wear masks whenever out of our homes. It is also unprecedented that Christmas will be spent with no more than extra 5 visitors and eat with no more than 5 at each table. The list could still go on such as no party, no bonus, no increment, and so on...

It could become an easy word to misuse and treat it as an excuse for everything else. Covid, unprecedented, so what's there to celebrate? What is there to be happy about? It's unprecedented! So, let's just suck it up and let our heads bow down until such time when we can truly be happy, to be happy.

However, should we really allow that to happen?

What has happened, has happened. What will happen, nobody knows or can predict what will happen. I learnt a quote from the past. " Do not let what you cannot do affect what you can do." 

Borrowing another famous quote from "Dumbledore: Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

We can be shrouded in sadness or allow it to overtake us. However, all we need is to remember to turn on the light. Even a speck of light will render a room of darkness weak.

The year 2020 has taught me a serious lesson. Often, I would always bear as much as possible and just strive to work it out until the next time I have a proper break, say a holiday in Thailand. I would work or just put behind whatever bad there was and feel consoled that my big break is coming. Anything else can wait.

End of the year 2019 was bad. Bad news and more bad news. I looked forward to the BKK trip in Jan and absorbed all other bad news and pushed it to the back of my mind.

Start of the year 2020 was equally challenging the way 2019 ended. I was overwhelmed at a certain point and just then Covid struck. The circuit breakers, the fast and furious manner in which the entire world struggled to cope with and adjust to the perils of the dangerous virus was just too much I thought. I had no escape this time. I had no chance to run to Batam or Bangkok to hide away. I had to take on challenges face on and by the horns.

I learnt how not to stash away fears and run to my comfort zone and wait for the tide to go. I learnt that it is no big deal for the year to must end on a best high or that every year must have a good ending for it to be good. I learnt that life is full of ups and downs and one cannot possibly wait for the tide to be up in order to be happy and strong mentally. I learnt that problems can come and go easily; happiness can go and also return easily.

As such, Christmas is perhaps an important time to remember all these. Even when we are in self-despair, think about those who are in situations worse off.

This year's present for the Missus is special. Need to keep up with the times, thus went shopping around and again, another HP merchandise to add to the collection of HP.

The Deathly Hallows. To some, it presents some occult. To me, it just meant one thing. Its the most powerful symbol in the whole of HP(correct me if I'm wrong) that when in possession together, it makes the person the most powerful wizard ever. Ok, not trying to be foolish here, but its a gift to for a good year ahead to beat the challenges and come out victorious every time. The time turner charm was nice, but albeit too big I feel.

However, most importantly, it is a time for families to get together. Despite having only 5 visitors at any time, it was good to see loved ones having a good time together after what has been a really difficult year for anyone.

Nice food, nice companionship and drinks.

Merry Christmas and I'm sure by this time next year, it will be better than now.

Mr Ussenal.

The Diam Diam Era - Handsome Boy in Stirling Road.

 

Recently, I had the chance to watch Jack Neo's latest movie The Diam Diam Era in the cinema. It was fun and nostalgic and together with the 60s to 80s soundtracks, it just made the ticket worth several times the outlay I paid for it.

Not for any special occasion, but as a need to put together a team video for the office online Xmas celebrations, I had to dig some old photos and it brought me to the video montage of our kiddos time which we had put up for our guests during our wedding. Many memories and it just seemed like yesteryear when I was still wearing the spiderman t-shirt.

Nostalgia. XXXXX

2 Timothy 4:7

 I have bid farewell to my Uncle Richard, the closest brother to my father, and probably the uncle closest and have been closest to my family since I was young.

The year 2020 has been a year of unnerving emotions. A near full year I would call. WIth Covid19, it has wreaked havoc for the entire world and reset several things. Some would see it as a consolation that it has made them see things from an alternative perspective, work being digitalized etc, and so on. Alas, had the disease not struck, will these still be called as a "consolation" to their lives?

The year started with the very difficult impending departure of Uncle Wai. It's one of the hardest things to accept seeing family going through what he went through and we go through what we have seen. You anticipate, and then hope against hope and then finally accept and wait for the due.

Then, a parent of a neighbour passed away after being in a coma for 2 days, and family pulling the plug when the doctor declared him brain dead and no chance of revival. Surviving children were only 7 and 5 years old. What is worse than waking up and not seeing yr dad who would have been his hero anymore? A life is cruelly taken away just like that.

Weeks ago, I visited my favourite shop where I would get my office wear and was shocked when the first words i heard upon stepping foot into the shop was to hear the passing of the uncle, the owner of the shop. I remembered the uncle as an ever accomodating person and that was the reason I have always patronised. I could not imagine that the visit before the covid would turn out to the last time I saw him.

Uncle Richard had been battling with a clogged artery situation for the past year.  He had had a bypass surgery several years ago, but unfortunately, the condition has returned and doctors gave the bad news that his heart was only functioning at 10 to 15%. It was a precarious situation and he had to undergo surgery immediately failing which he may have heart failure. Days before the op, he decided to withdraw from the appointment and then cancel the whole operation altogether. He wanted to try and just live on and if he should 'go', he would want to leave without pain or fuss. Despite advice against such a move, Uncle Richard felt that he does not want to die in the immediate surgery which would have taken place about this time last year. 

Instead, he tried to lead a more relaxed life and went on to visit all over Singapore, and at the same time, he has begun to return to the Lord. 

He would tag several people including me in FB on morning wishes and blessings from the Bible until one day when he said that due to unforeseen circumstances, he had to stop. I thought he had perhaps been tired and not feeling well. Never did I expect to find out that he had suffered a heart attack days ago. 

On 4 December 2020, I received news that he had passed away in his sleep. I cannot understand and cannot accept how quickly time has reached. The doctor said"anytime".. How did the 'anytime' become the time now?

As I was involved and wanted to take part in JY's wedding, I had to give the funeral a miss. My heart pained when I could only see the live stream of the services up to the cremation, of my aging uncles and aunties whom i have always loved to talk and mingle with. They lost a beloved brother and I lost an uncle who had shown dote on me no less than what a father would give to a son.

I would now miss his nagging (nags to my parents), his smiles (he has hardly shown a black face ever before), his dao sa pia ,bak kwas and food that he would buy when he strike 4D, such as an expensive duck for dinner.

Knowing that he may have little tech support on his phone and limited laptop, I felt the need to help and assist in what I can. What I had learned from him was that he was very open to new stuff such as tech gadgets. He would read learn online on how to use the computer and handphones as opposed to my father, who had very little exposure to tech stuff was very reluctant to even use Whatsapp.

As said by one of my uncles, Uncle Richard led a simple life. His hobby was to play the jackpot and he had treated closed ones with love. I still remembered he bought me a desktop, which costs $2k when I was 16 I guess. Looking back, Uncle Richard was not always very rich; but to fork out $2k like that shows his generosity and love for me. During the days when he was still working, he would also give $50 as a weekly allowance to me. He was never a miser and when he strikes some lottery, he would always bring my parents out for a meal, or just bring them to MBS or around Yishun for a get-together. I guess my parents have lost a very close brother and a companion who has been with them for decades. Even in the Chua family, he has always played the role of the sweeper; quietly standing away from the limelight and often with us during gatherings.

I was not able to write any messages on the condolence book or leave any message during the live stream when asked to but I m sure being tech-savvy, he would read this blog when he is free and know what I had to say.

In life, we always keep our heartfelt words as heartfelt, until it becomes too late. Most of us are unwilling to exhibit our true feelings often until there is no more opportunity to do so.

Just when I thought Christmas would be the last saving grace to have any left in a year turned upside down by Covid, Uncle Richard's passing away has been like a kick to a beggar whose bowl of coins would spiral across the streets and into the drains.  Uncle Richard's birthday falls on Christmas and I suppose the yearly noisy gathering of the Chua family would be quiet; a deafening quiet.

Despite the emotional struggles that have been an onslaught, we must never lose faith in our Lord. I trust in his plans for all of us and his timing for what develops in our lives is always impeccable.

Uncle Richard has fought the fight, finished the course, and kept the faith. It is our turn to continue to do so.

The Chimes ring ..Happy birthday Mrs Ussenal!

As the clock struck 12pm, the chimes from the Church ringing at the backdrop of Bukit Batok St. 11 served encouragement as we embark on the start of the middle of the year.

Certain sounds play a part in my growing up. Just like how songs affect a person's mood and recall certain memories, sounds do the same for me.

When I was young, as young as a 9-year-old, I would spend time just lying on my parents' bed and just listening to the sound of aeroplanes flying past on top. There was a beer factory opposite where I used to stay, which was then converted to a Condo and named aptly as The Anchorage. It always had the sound of a certain insect, which you would normally hear in the trees especially on a hot day.

These sounds would sometimes combine with the piano or violin sound the neighbours staying on top would play, seemingly creating a mini symphony of sorts. It would bring peace to my young and free mind and make me fall asleep easily when I was mostly bored.

When I was serving NS, we have had to spend days outfield. In the 12 years of NS and reservist duties, the same sounds that I loved to hear when I was young accompanied me well. 

Likewise, the chimes that I hear every 1st day of the month would bring a soothing 5 seconds peace and also an encouragement that whatever's gone bad the previous month has passed. A new month beckons and time to continue working hard to put another's month worth in the bag.

However, this year has been different. We have seen the impact of what Covid-19 has done to the lives of many. It has been unfair and sad and especially for people who may have lost their businesses, career plans and loved ones to the disease.

Many people are worried about what things will be like in the near future, be it a vaccine is found or not. Perhaps a lesser worried if a vaccine is found, but no doubt that lives will change from henceforth.

However, it is equally important not to be overdrawn on that matter. Of course, we find for the first time in this generation, that we have had to live more responsibly. It has been a given that we were very fortunate to have avoided being born in the World War era. We felt for too long that life will be rosy and we would just occupy ourselves with the daily problems which come and go.

The Covid19 may go on to be an everlasting issue that humans will have to learn to live with, be it a vaccine is found or not. There may be worse viruses coming out which we will have no idea how to grapple with in future.

Thus, it is important that we have to remain focused on our purpose - which is to live.

When we look back in history, there have been many life-changing events such as World War 1 and 2, various dangerous diseases outbreak. If you go even further back in time, to dynasties even, where the people living then would have faced even more situations where they have hardly any room to negotiate the living terms. Do they back then, have a chance to ask why is this happening?

However, I am confident that God has plans for everything. I'm sure many Christians or other faiths may be questioning themselves why has God allowed this to happen, to bring upon hundreds of thousands of deaths and it still appears far from over. It is easy to lose faith but hold my beer. The Lord often has plans of His own and all He ever requires from us is just faith. We see Churches closed and only able to bring sermons online and I believe that He has a plan though at the end how to manage the situation. We, as humans are perhaps just not at that level of thinking to comprehend whatever is going on and will go on.

Today is Mrs Ussenal's birthday. This is the first time perhaps that we will celebrate it at home. Not a bad idea exactly. As I write, gifts of food and cakes have been delivered to our doorstep non-stop, delivering to us love and best wishes from friends living far apart from us.

Events such as Covid19 are no doubt threatening to the existence of the human race, but more often than not, humans have often proved adaptative and armed with technology, we will come out tops provided we are united. As in the Bible times, I believe the tower to God may be completed had God not intercepted.

Let's hope that the lifting of the Circuit Breaker represents the start of more good things to come not only for Singapore but also for the rest of the world.

Year of 2020 - Unprecedented at all levels.

It was only January 2020.

A month ago, on or around 4 December 2019, my world cracked a little. A little gap, that would go on to cost my household some days of sleep and many days of reflection of what could have happened as well as what’s next.

It hadn’t been easy, considering that my office has just shifted from a location I professed to be home to a place I had hardly set foot upon, other than to take the coach to Genting Highlands. The second half of 2019 had gone by fast; we had begun preparation for the moving as early as July.

The Concourse office is a beautiful one. Renovation work had been done quite well and the much smaller office was still well utilised. There were many new changes especially in the IT development, all tailored to bring our firm to the next pedestal and moving along with the need to go more paperless. It was an exciting era and I thought that the time done in TP would really be helpful, especially with the exposure in 1 module in how technology will serve the legal industry as the landscape changes in the near future.

However, I had a mini struggle inside of me back then. Likewise how I missed my old home at Queensway when I first shifted to Batok, I was feeling the same when I had to change my journey to work. Distance is albeit further, but the need to take multiple train journeys across different rail lines was taxing. I was uncomfortable and thought perhaps I would need months to get used to.

In January 2020, a new challenge was dropped on my plate. My portfolio at work was enlarged. I was assigned a new task and it was something which I had not expected to happen. Within a week, I was further given another portfolio to manage as well.

Although it was years ago when I last felt challenged being thrown into an unfamiliar surrounding at work, I felt the change was timely and invigorated a new surge of energy in me. I thought it could be a good distraction away from what’s happening at home and a good new learning opportunity. It was already 2 months from the day when we shifted and I asked my colleague if they felt at home as they did back in MAS. The loud affirmative was a resounding beat of the drum that I have to find my own victory soon.

Shortly after, I then received news that KW’s uncle, Uncle W has been admitted into a hospice and the solemn understanding among the Ws was that Uncle W will leave us soon.

It was another boat rock that made me felt that I was done with the year 2020. I wished for 2020 to be over soon so that a new year can start afresh without all the baggage that was dragged into 2020 as well as the new ones which seemed to have appeared all at once.

The CNY festivities as well as the Bangkok trip which we looked so much forward to suddenly seemed secondary. They looked pale when lined up with what’s happening at home or at work.

While all these were happening, we had begun seeing news of a new disease outbreak in China. Seeing it as another piece of foreign news, it was hardly something I would bother myself with, considering what was on my plate then.

Uncle W’s condition deteriorated and in February, just before CNY’s 15^th day, he passed away. It was the most solemn CNY I had ever gone through. There was hardly any mood to have fun; and I guessed that even if there was intention to create some mood, it sort of extinguished when you see that the atmosphere around was just not right at all.

About that time, the disease which started from China had reached our shores in Singapore as well as the neighbouring countries. It was a new brand of coronavirus and Singapore, being experienced from its fight against SARS, was a place where I felt the virus will not survive long.

Fast forward to 13 February 2020, cases were picking up slowly still. We decided to proceed with the trip to Bangkok, considering that cases were still in the 1x in Bangkok and Singapore and we were armed with the masks and sanitizers.

However, the mood in Bangkok had changed. Upon setting foot in the Suvarnabhumi Airport, there were no long queues of China tourists. It was quiet. We felt the first hint of what to expect when we hit the markets.

People in Bangkok were starting to keep away from touristy places. Crowd at Chatuchak had dropped and it was significantly quieter even in shopping malls it all adds up when we could find seats at establishments where we not normally be able to.

We began to buy masks and sanitizers from every pharmacy we saw in Bangkok. Focus on the usual clothes and stuff were not our focus.  We knew that Singapore was having a bad shortage and we bought as many as we could such that my fish haul was only a paltry quantity of 5 fish bags.

When we came back after 5 days to Changi Airport, things have begun to accelerate at home and overseas. We were shocked to hear from the taxi driver that crowds are thinning and tourists numbers are also slowing down to the extent he had to wait 2 hours for a passenger.

Just a few days after we came back, Thailand started to announce extra measures in its airport for Singaporeans due to increase of infected in Singapore. Just before we left for Bangkok, Singapore had raised to Dorscon Orange, a code used in disasters to signify the alert code the country is in.  Our firm had also implemented a rotation shift amongst the different banking teams so as to minimize the danger of the spread of the virus.

At the back of my mind, I wondered how I would be able to cope with the impending HIP renovation works for my block by end of April. It was a worry with the constant every changing situation due to the virus. In fact, it was so much to take in that i felt nervy trying to balance the number of things on my shaky plate.

First day back in office was weird. It felt like Thanos had snapped his fingers while I was away in Bangkok. I then started to feel sad as days of not seeing some of my close colleagues turned into weeks. We could only communicate via text and there was still so much adjustment to adhere to.

I felt that it was only February 2020 and there have been so many challenges.  Life was still going as usual, except that we are not supposed to meet our colleagues. Soccer went on as usual, Friday pa tors as usual. It was until when we went to an empty cinema that the truth was striking. People were beginning to hide and play safe from the virus.

In March, cases began to increase and Singapore had handled seemingly well. Contact tracing was quickly performed for suspected cases and the task team was able to report if the new case was linked to previous cluster or a fresh un-linked case. Every night, our eyes would be glued to see if new case was linked or not.

However, in April, the government decided that many places will be closed until 2 May 2020. It was something which we had gradually expected it to happen, considering our neighbour Malaysia had also started their own lock down earlier.

It was a shock to see shops closed, restaurants fold their chairs. Places which you never dream they would close; they did. 4d outlets, Mcdonalds and even bubble tea shops. It was worse than CNY, the streets have an eerie silence when you walk. Fellow passer-bys are all just eager to quickly return home after buying food.

Social distancing is the new norm and as I write, we are still one month away after the lock-down was extended.

The virus had developed into a pandemic, where thousands of lives have been lost and hundreds of thousands infected.

Offices were closed and it was a sight to see people carrying their computers home at the office lobby on the last day before the new lock-down started. From what was anticipated as future steps for our firm to go more digital was hurried within weeks. Right now as I speak, our entire firm’s staffs are operating 100% from home.

Sports all over the world have come to a standstill and I cannot help but wonder how the world will pick itself up as we try to recover. Will soccer ever be the same again?

We began to miss the things we have taken granted. Families are not allowed to visit as long as they are not staying under the same roof. No one is allowed to loiter or even seat around the void deck. Except for food, things have come to near halt.

However, as with all bad things, the only way left to on the graph is up. Likewise, as with the current Covid, the only way for the numbers to go eventually is down.

We have many loved ones overseas and it is not just about reading the news in Singapore.  I believe for all Singaporeans as well as people over the world, the only thing we anticipate is the time where the news would report on the daily number of new cases.

This Covid has wrecked many people’s lives and brought humanity to its knees grinding. We were fortunate to escape being born in a world war, but the impact on our daily lives is near similar.

On the other hand, the Covid situation has also opened our eyes and selves to more things; such as opportunities to spend more time with loved ones at home. It is something which everyone will miss once we are back to normalcy before the Covid situation; although I am not even sure what type of normalcy do we consider normal by then.