Today marks the day that Uncle Daniel was put to rest.
It was only less than 2 months ago that Uncle Richard had left us to meet the Lord. Whilst everyone was still coming to terms of the sudden passing of Uncle Richard, there was no doubt that the family knew it couldn't avoid; the critical situation regarding Uncle Daniel and what may follow up next.
Uncle Daniel was diagnosed with cancer on or around May 2020 after having issues with his mouth for some time. As no radiotherapy or chemotherapy was taken, Uncle Daniel's health deteriorated swiftly and he had to adhere to a liquid diet months ago when he could no longer swallow anything solid.
Uncle Daniel was a great cook and a person who loved to eat. He was also a great bass singer in Church and a person who could easily 'cover' the singing duties of 1 - 2 more choir members should they be absent. I had a few uncles and aunties in the church choir of Glory Presbyterian Church and when I visited the Church in the past, I would always stick my neck out to look out for my uncles and aunties and feel so proud of them. I would always lookout for Uncle Daniel and followed by Auntie Helen. Uncle Daniel was chubby and it was easy to spot him; but just listening to his voice, you could single out where he was too.
When I was young, I, unlike my other cousins who had studied at Nanyang Primary School, did not stay at my grandparents' house. I would only visit during the Sundays and the occasional Saturdays. I was not a very strong kid when it comes to staying overnight at other people's house and I was easily homesick.
Together with my cousins, we still had a lot of fun and naughty times with some of my uncles. One of them was Uncle Daniel. I remembered that in the Primary 2 English textbook, there were 2 characters, Millie and Mollie. Millie was the skinny girl and Mollie the plump one. As kids, we easily and rather mischievously, would call Uncle Daniel Mollie as he would chased us off his bed when we were jumping around in his room or playing his computer secretly. The incoming swarm of his arm was never threatening but still once the arm raises to the 45 degrees, we would run for our lives and sneak around only to try to provoke him when he seemed to have abandoned the mission of skinning us alive.
I remembered when I was maybe 13, there was an opportunity to stay at the Shangri-La hotel in Sentosa. If not wrong, i remembered it was Uncle Daniel and Auntie Juliet who brought us there. it was fun and we had a nice time drinking a nice glass of orange juice in some lounge and enjoying the waterfall at our balcony.
On a more recent time, I spoke with Uncle Daniel at length at a Christmas party organised by my brother at his condo. We talked about some insurance plans and the need to always have spare cash at hand and back up plans for the future.
Individually, I do not regret that I and Uncle Daniel did not spend more time together or have more memories to remember of. That is because I know that the rest of my family are always in receipt of his selfless love.
The past few days of service at his funeral have made me realised fully what an influential member of the family he was to nearly everyone in my family. He was close to my late grandparents and was also close to several of my family members, whom he had impacted in one way or another over the years. I would hear of so many stories of him being selfless and always willing to serve and take care of his loved ones. He would dabao not 1 or 2 but 10 packets of the buns or snacks every time he visits us or meet up with my parents.
I also learnt how he would make breakfast daily for my cousin Nicholas when he was schooling at Nanyang and how he would be the nanny dad to my cousins Justina and Jason when my auntie Joanna and Uncle David Tan was away in Hong Kong and Malaysia. Or how he would always be the first to fetch my 3rd Uncle to and fro whenever he returns from Beijing. The mee siam and belanchan chilli he makes... The testimonies from my family were impactful and powerful. They were also difficult as every testimony was stuffed with tears and emotion threatening to choke the speaker; but yet, with such earnest yearning to speak out what has been in their hearts for so long. It was at times similarly difficult to watch but yet full support of the family was flat out.
Over the past 2 months, everyone took turns to visit Uncle Daniel after he was admitted to hospital and the hospices. One big disadvantage the current safety measures dealt us was our number. Our family easily amounted up to 30+ adults excluding the little ones. We had to deal with registration, take turns to rotate and then share what were the eventful things we experience with Uncle Daniel or things to take note for the next visitor.
On a few critical occasions, we nearly lost Uncle Daniel too when he was bleeding non stop from his mouth. It then became apparent that his situation was transient; after we learnt that he would either die if his bleeding doesn't stop or when it bleeds and chokes him such that he will not be able to breathe. Both ways were painful and definitely not acceptable. Everyone of us continued to pray that his situation will improve.
In January, his condition improved after the bleeding seemed to have stopped to a once-per day thing. He was able to converse with us and asked questions and for a while I thought hey, the man's back. At that moment, I thought that perhaps he would still do well for longer but deep down i wondered for how long as he was not receiving the chemo etc. treatment a cancer patient would be taking.
Fast forward 2 weeks from the last visit, his condition started to deteriorate and his morphine intake started to increase as the pain was getting difficult to be overpowering.
On Chinese New Year Eve, at his wish, some family members took Uncle Daniel out to the beach and then to Auntie Joanna's home for a reunion lunch. It was heart warming to watch the cheers and smiles so gradient around him.
However, when Uncle Daniel was brought back to the hospice, he was weak and very tired. The next day when I was still tired after having a long night at Purmei for the reunion dinner, we received news that Uncle Daniel was critical and that family members should come down for a last look.
The sight of the entire family taking queue to go up to see him for the last time was torturous. It was saddening to see Uncle Daniel breathing through his mouth and weaving in and out of consciousness. Just within minutes of the family leaving to go home and await further news, news came that situation had turned critical and doctors advised for a couple of family members to stay behind.
At around midnight that same day, Uncle Daniel passed away.
The struggle of deciding if to fight the cancer or to let nature take its course is real. Do cancer patients fight their very best just that their family can see them alive and be spared the agony of losing them? Until when? What if the battle is long drawn and the family continues to struggle physically and mentally with the patient? Or what if the cancer is a recurrence? What does the patient decides this time round?
Uncle Daniel's decision was to entrust everything to the Lord. If there is a miracle, then he be saved. If his time has come, he will take it then. Like Uncle Richard, this was a personal choice and we do not have a right to decide for them. What was most important that the family is supportive and clearly, the family has supported him all the way to the end.
The road down Mandai has become more familiar as we age. This is a fact that we all cannot run away from as part of our growing up process. We have had fun and and with age comes the other side of growing old. Time is never on our side and with every ticking minute, time is lost.
The past few days have not been easy. It was difficult for my senior aunties and uncles whom are already getting on in age. I pray for them every single day that all my senior folk are always healthy and happy. Be what may be bothering them, i pray that the Lord listens to their hearts and keep them always safe and in a body healthy and fit as an eagle every day.
if Uncle Richard's sudden passing was cruel, perhaps the Lord gave us more time to be prepared for Uncle Daniel's impeding departure. The Lord's amazing grace is sufficient for everyone and the song Amazing Grace has always been the top Christian song which tug at heart strings so well. I'm sure that this cannot be written by a human. The theme music must have been composed by God himself.
The above rendition was played at the funeral service and while the old and traditional one is good, this is equally amazing.
I was told that when we meet in Heaven again, we will remember who we were although the relationship such as that of an uncle-nephew, husband-wife would cease. I do not quite understand that now. How nice wouldn't it be to continue the relationship with that of our parents or even grandparents in Heaven?
I miss my Grandfather a lot and I always wondered what a fool I was at his hospital bed before he was about to go for his operation. I remembered i was still a bit shy to talk to him after ignoring him at his house after he had knocked his hands into my nose while preparing a cup of honey drink for me. I didn't know that he was going for an operation, an operation which he never woke up from. He taught us a few things and he hand written a Psalm 23(his favourite psalm) for our Xmas recitation of the Bible verses, as part of a performance we would do for our guests which also include a sketch and a piano piece play. I was often like a little lost lamb when I was young and did not keep that note properly.
It was such a long time since my Grandfather's passing that I had seen such an outpouring of grief from my aunties and uncles. It was heart wrenching when you consider that Uncle Richard had only just passed away 2 months ago and that the family had to walk to Mandai 2 times in 2 months.
Quickly we are already at the middle of February 2021. Hopefully there will be more good news for the family and for everyone to celebrate. The see saw has got to go up after it's down so that it moves, isn't it?
Mr Ussenal